How to Get the Most Out of a Parent-Teacher Conference: Questions You Should Be Asking

Although parent-teacher conferences tend to be a short opportunity to speak with your child’s teacher and learn about their progress as a student, there is still an opportunity to make the most out of it. If you are looking to be hands on with your child’s education, learn about their progress and where there can be room for improvement; the objective should be to go in with an agenda. Don’t just wait to find out what the teacher has to say. Come in with your on set of questions based off of what you already know to be true about your child. This will give you insight into how your child behaves in the classroom versus at home. You can also give the teacher a little insight into how your child behaves at home. This allows both parties to gain an understanding of the best possible way to teach a child and allow them to reach their full potential. It’s also important that prior to the conference you have been keeping up with each day of your child’s life by asking them questions such as “How was school?” and “What happened at school today?” that way if there are any concerns or issues about something, you are prepared to bring them up and ask questions.

Here are a list of starter questions you can think about asking at the next parent-teacher conference, but again the best way to make the most of this is to tailor the questions to fit your individual child:

1. How is my child doing socially/emotionally?
2. What are my child’s academic strengths and weaknesses?
3. Is my child performing at his or her’s grade level?
4. Are there any areas my child can use extra help in?
5. How can I help at home?
6. What’s the best way to communicate with you?
7. How can I stay on top of what is happening in the classroom?
8. Is my child giving his or her best effort?

It may also be a good idea to take notes of everything addressed in the conference so that it can be referenced at a later date. You can also schedule a follow-up if you would like more time with the teacher or would like to see if your child has made any improvements since the last conference.

If you are looking for more personalized questions that more closely fit the concerns you have for your child, click here.

Transracial Adoption: How to Raise a Child of a Different Race

Transracial adoption isn’t something new. In fact, it’s something we see a lot, especially among celebrities. But, when we look at the climate of today’s world involving race related issues; it’s important that these adopted children understand their background and don’t grow up feeling a way because they look different than their parents. It is equally as important that those looking to adopt a child of a different race understand the challenges that come along with it and are open to taking whatever steps may be necessary to teach them about their culture.

Actress Kristen Davis recently went on the “Red Table Talk” to discuss her challenges with raising black children and recently in the news we’ve seen support groups for multiracial families such as teaching parents how to do their black child’s hair. No matter how big or small, every detail plays a part in a child’s confidence and sense of identity and the type of person they will grow to become.

Here are some of the side effects of transracial adoption and what you can do to help your child move past them:

1. Racial Identity Crisis 

When a child is growing up around not many people that look like them, it is likely that they will question why and want to know where they came from. While you may not have all the answers (if you don’t know anything about their biological parents), you can still teach them about the history of their culture. This requires being as open and honest as possible about the differences in races and the treatment of other races so that if they encounter any type of racism they will understand why. This will also teach them self acceptance and loving the skin they’re in. For parents, it can be a good way to learn about other cultures through teaching their children and in turn allow them to empathize and see things through the eyes of other races.

2. Cultural Appropriation

Some adoption agencies provide future parents with programs to teach them about the culture of the child they are adopting. While this is a good start, it’s important to remember that it’s just that, a start. The real work starts when the children come home. Some parents may get so caught up in wanting to embrace their child’s culture, that they may not understand they are helping to perpetuate a negative stereotype. That’s why education is so important. A good way of doing this is making sure your child is around people that look like them as much as possible. So if it can’t be at home, make sure they make friends of the same race at school or take them to public hangouts where people of their race hangs out a lot. This allows a natural process of learning about themselves rather than forcing it on the child and getting it wrong. For parents, the same can be done by making friends with parents who are the same race as your child and asking questions and learning from them. It is okay to admit that you can never 100 percent step into your child’s shoes and know how they feel. This is where the phrase, “it takes a village to raise a child” comes in handy. Parents can also talk to other transracial parents and discuss how they get through certain challenges and what works for them.

3. Choosing Not to See Color

This can be detrimental to the child because while you don’t see color, others do. Once they get older and began to witness the racial inequality, they won’t be prepared for it and won’t know how to handle it. This involves a very tough conversation about racial bias and privilege, which is often a tough conversation for many to have or to accept that they have privilege at all, but it must be done. It’s understandable that some parents may want to protect their kids from these tough conversations, but in the end it will be much better that a kid, especially one from a multiracial family with people that may not have to deal with the same things they have to deal, with is educated on race. At the end of the day, if you are doing nothing to understand racism/privilege and/or sitting by and watching it happen, you are doing your child a disservice.

 

The bottom line when thinking about transracial adoption and/or raising children of different races is are you ready to educate yourself and have tough conversations? Because if you aren’t, you will be playing a part in the self-identity crisis and lack of confidence your child has as they grow up. Transracial adoption is something that is beautiful and something that both parties can benefit from, but only when everyone is willing to get out of their comfort zones and do the work.

Have any tips or advice for multiracial families? Leave them below.

The Benefits of Mentorship Programs For Students

Mentorship has been an important aspect for students for some time now because studies have shown that students that have been mentored are more likely to stay in school, go to college, volunteer and even want to make a difference themselves as they get older through mentorship. Mentors have also been a big help to parents because they are often able to get students to open up in ways that the parents may not be a successful with. This is due to the fact that mentors are often peers (older brothers/sisters) that the students can see themselves in because they were once in their shoes. The big thing to understand is that when it comes to mentors, they don’t necessarily have to just be tutors. Even if they aren’t tutoring your child, just the presence of a positive role model in their life can impact their achievements in school from a academic, social and social activities standpoint.

 
First let’s discuss the benefits of getting your child a mentor:

 
1. Enhances confidence
2. Challenges students to set higher goals/take risks
3. Psychosocial support
4. Students provided with useful advice on academics, professional responsibilities and day-to-day tasks
5. Stronger Interpersonal skills
6. Support system during difficult times
7. Exposure to diversity
8. Access to useful resources
9. Healthier relationships
10. Better lifestyle choices
11. Better attitude/improved behavior at school and home

 
Next let’s discuss the equally beneficial results for the mentor:

 
1. Leave a mark/legacy
2. Personal/professional growth
3. Coaching/leadership goals
4. Lasting/meaningful connections
5. Enhances self-esteem
6. Enhances patience

 
Now that we’ve discussed how influential both getting mentored and being a mentor can be, it’s important to discuss some mentor programs that are available because one out of every three young people who want mentors don’t get one.

 

Here are some resources you can look into if you are interested in getting your child a mentor:

 

1. For those looking to mentor/start a mentor program
2. The National Mentoring Partnership (MENTOR)
3. Communities In School
4. How to Design a School-Based Mentoring Program
5. Making a Difference with At-risk Students: The Benefits of a Mentoring Program in Middle School
6. How to Create a Successful Mentorship Program
7. National Mentoring Resource Center

 

Know of some other mentorship opportunities? Let us know below.

7 Life Skills You Should Be Teaching Your Children

Somewhere along the way we all learned important life skills that would later become the tools we use to get us through some of life’s most difficult tasks. For some people, however they might have had to learn the hard way or learned those important skills too late in life. That’s why it’s important they we teach our youth these skills as early as we possibly can because not only does it prepare them for the future, but it also provides them with a sense of responsibility and can increase their maturity.

 
Here are 7 life skills you should be teaching your kids:

 
1. How to Budget
Teach them about financial literacy at an early age and introduce them to how to budget their money instead of blowing it all in one place. One of the best ways to do this is by providing them with weekly or monthly allowances and teaching them about proper ways of spending/saving. For older kids opening a bank account is a great option or applying for a credit card. This teaches them how to transfer money, write checks and spend without getting into debt.

2. Social Skills
Make sure to introduce your children to new and different environments/people so that they are aware of etiquette and the different ways to act depending on their environment. It’s also important that they are around people and able to converse as a tool to continuously grow their social skills, get them thinking and see different viewpoints.

3. Domestic Skills
One of the most important things you can teach your child is how to manage a household once they move into their own place. This includes: finding the right house/apartment in their budget, managing utilities, paying bills, cleaning/maintenance of the house, etc.

 

4. Driving/Car Maintenance
It’s important that your children know that the work doesn’t just end once they get their license. Instead of just handing them a car, teach them about the process of buying one and registering it. Teach them about pumping gas, oil maintenance, changing tires and any other maintenance the car may need. It’s also a good idea to prepare them for potentially being pulled over by the police. Show them what to do and what not to do. Teach them about having important documents such as: vehicle records, driver’s license, registration papers, etc. at all times. Lastly make sure their navigation skills are up to par and they know how to get around.

 

5. Staying Safe
The topic of staying safe is very versatile; it can refer to many different things. For starters since we just got of the topic of driving, let’s continue with that. Make sure your children know that they should avoid secluded/deserted areas as much as possible. If their car breaks down in the middle of the highway let them know that they should call for help instead of trying to seek it alone. Let them know that they shouldn’t pick up hitchhikers. Teach them about traveling with friends instead of alone. It could also be useful to teach them basic fighting skills to fight anybody off that tries to approach them or have them carry pepper spray.

 

6. Problem Solving/Prioritizing
Teach your children the importance of being able to work through their problems in a healthy manner and that sometimes it’s okay to seek out advice from others. It’s also important that they are able to set goals and prioritize the most important things first. A big part of both problem solving and prioritizing plays into their time management skills as well. So, teach them how best to mange their time and not to procrastinate.

 

7. Employability Skills
Of course as we grow up we get jobs, but before that even happens employers are vetting the candidates. Of course they look at your resume, but what people fail to realize is that are also looking at your life skills because those also determine the type of employee you’ll be. Many of the life skills they look for are listed above but it doesn’t stop there. Parents teach your kids these important life skills to ensure they have success in the workforce: communication skills, thinking and analytic skills, work ethics, ability to use available resources, technology skills, adaptability and ability to evaluate themselves.

 

What have been the most useful life skills you’ve learned? Share them below.

 

7 Ways You Can Prevent Your Child From Being the Next Shooter

With mass shootings happening way too often and back to back in the case of the two most recent ones in El Paso and Dayton, it is obviously apparent to everyone but the people in power that something needs to be done about gun laws. But with the realization that many of the shooters are what the media likes to label “troubled” or “mentally ill” teens or young adults, the question should be posed as to whether or not there is anything parents can do to prevent their children from being the next shooter? The short answer to that question is yes. Although as we know some things are beyond the parents’ control, especially as their children grow older and make their own decisions; it’s still important that they try to make a positive impact on their kids while they still can.

Parents are more times than not the first people who will be able to notice a behavioral change in their children. It is important that when you do notice this, you take the necessary measures to get to the bottom of what has caused a shift in your child’s behavior. You can decide which steps work best for your children depending on their age. Here are some ways you can do that:

 

1. Monitor Your Child’s Social Media/Screen Time
Social Media is a big cause for depression among youth because it opens the door to internet trolls/internet bullying. It can also expose children to tons of online violent content. While some children may not be affected by this, others may be influenced to mimic what they see. So it is important for children to determine what is best for their child.

 

2. Keep Track of Your Child’s Relationships

Who’s around your child that could negatively affect their behavior and expose them to negative things? This could be friends, family friends, family members, etc. It’s also equally important for children who may not have many friends as well because this can be a sign that there may be things happening in school beyond your knowledge such as bullying that are causing them to have a hard time making friends.

 

3. Talk With Your Child

It might sound obvious, but some parents don’t take the time to do this. Ask them how their day was. Talk about serious issues with them. Ask them how they feel about all the mass shootings and other acts of violence they might see on the news. Obviously as they get older, some kids don’t want to share much with their parents, but don’t let that deter you. You should still ask questions and show interest because it is a sign you care. Children feeling neglected or not cared for can lead to further issues.

 

4. Work With Your Child on Self-Esteem

 If you see your child having issues with low self-esteem, it’s important to address it head on and work with them on loving themselves. A good way to do this with young children is through daily affirmations.

 

5. Watch Your Behavior

 Children often learn their behavior from their parents, so it’s important to limit the amount of violence you expose them to. Teach them to express themselves calmly and patiently through words instead of resorting to violence.

 

6. Discuss Gun Safety

Teach your kids about all the gun protocols, the dangers of them and how to stay safe. Also make sure if you have a gun in the house that it is completely out of reach of the kids. It is also a good idea that the gun is stored unloaded and locked separate from the ammunition.

 

7. Teach Your Children Acceptance of All

Because so many of the mass shootings fall under the category of hate crimes whether it’s against a certain race, religion or the LGBTQ community; it’s important that you talk to your children at an early age and teach them about the importance of accepting people for who they are.

 

Know of some more ways to help prevent gun violence? Let us know below.

How Does Lunch Shaming Negatively Affect Children?

The story about the school district in Pennsylvania sending letters to parents threatening to send children to foster care over unpaid lunches is all over the news. In the past we’ve heard similar stories of students with debt being served cold lunches, stamped with the words “I need lunch money”, etc. We’ve even seen cafeteria workers fired for giving out free lunches.

Of course there’s another discussion that needs to be had on what needs to be done to target this growing issue of lunch debt across the country, but an issue just as big that not too many people seem to be concerned with is how innocent children are being handled in this situation and what long-term affect lunch shaming will have on them.

These children are being subjected to punishment for something they have absolutely no control over. We know how important food is for students to be able to think properly and have a productive day. In other words lack of food can affect their grades and overall performance in school.

But lunch shaming also has an affect on a child’s mental health as well. It’s embarrassing for children to be singled out in front of their classmates. This can ultimately lead to teasing, anxiety, depression, etc. All of these have the potential to become long-term issues.

The bottom line is that lunch shaming can have a lasting affect on the mental, physical and emotional health of children. Many people believe that lunch shaming is something that is unfortunate, but necessary due to the shrinking budgets of school districts, but we cannot be willing to let innocent children become casualties to choices that they did not make.

What do you think is the best way to tackle the issue of lunch debt and lunch shaming?

Violence Prevention Consortium

Violence is at an all time high across the country, but especially here in Chicago and it’s affecting children earlier and earlier. Think about the teens with guns in their hands or the ones out here carjacking. Of course one of the biggest solutions to this growing problem has always been to get them off the streets? But, what is one of the most effective ways to do that?

The answer is after school/ summer programs. It is important that children have something to do after school besides roam the streets and coming into contact with the wrong crowds, especially if they are latchkey kids and it is even more important in the summer when they have more free time on their hands and when violence rates tend to peak.

These programs also do more than keep children away from violence they also play a key part in the smaller characteristics that determine the type of student a child will be and ultimately the route they will take outside of school. These characteristics include: improved classroom behavior, more physical activity and healthy diets, improved social skills, academic support, confidence and providing kids with the ability to connect and make friends with the right crowd. While some of these details may seem small, when they are all added together they make a huge difference in whether a kid chooses to go left or right with their life.

What have been the most effective after school/summer programs for your children?

Discussion: Marriage vs. Divorce and the Affect on Children

The foundation of a strong and healthy marriage can positively impact not only a child’s life, but their adulthood as well. Even if a child’s parents are no longer together, establishing a healthy co-parent relationship can make a huge difference.

It’s no secret that a single parent household or even children feeling like they must choose between their parents after a divorce can lead to them feeling like they are to blame or cause them to rebel. This in many cases can lead to them looking for the things they aren’t getting at home in the streets and introducing them to a life filled with drugs and violence.

On the other hand, happily married parents have been able to present a more united front and provide children with a stable environment that includes united parenting, more family outings and overall being engaging in what is going on in their children’s lives.

The problem, however, lies within the believe that it must be one or the other or that every family is the same. That isn’t the case, of course parents must figure out what works best for them and their children, but a happily married couple doesn’t always equal the perfect child nor does a divorced couple equal an at-risk child.

The latter part is something that most people seem to overlook. Divorced couples shouldn’t feel guilty for how the divorce might affect their children nor should they be frowned upon. They instead must be able to put aside their differences for the sake of their children and establish a healthy co-parenting relationship that still is healthy for their children and makes them feel no less loved then before. What the perfect co-parenting relationship looks like is going to differ depending on the parents. For some it might be keeping each other updated on what is going on with the child while they are with the other parent and for others it might be throwing a birthday party together. Whatever the case may be, even if it’s the smallest step towards co-parenting, it is better than letting the children see their parents bickering.

The bottom line when it comes to married couples or divorced couples raising children will always be the engagement the parents choose to have in their children’s lives and a healthy communication between parents when it comes to discipline and methods of raising their children.

What are some effective methods you have used to raise your children through a happily married household or a co-parenting relationship?

Parenting Matters!

1)What are some of the challenges you face when handling your teenager’s emotions?

2)What helps you overcome those challenges?

 

https://www.facebook.com/AWOFINCParentInformationandResourceCenter

 

 

 

Youth Summit August 3, 2013 RP United Church of Christ.

Youth Summit Survey Question for the 8.3.13 event.

What does family time look like to you?